


you came and you went

by sammyspreadyourwings



Series: Tim Staffell Appreciation Week 2021 [3]
Category: Queen (Band), Rock Music RPF
Genre: Character Study, Communication, Getting Back Together, Introspection, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Peace, Regret, platonically though - Freeform, takes place in 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29623164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammyspreadyourwings/pseuds/sammyspreadyourwings
Summary: Tim thinks back on his relationship with Roger and Brian because he has made peace with it.
Relationships: Brian May/Tim Staffell/Roger Taylor, John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor
Series: Tim Staffell Appreciation Week 2021 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172798
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: Tim Staffell Appreciation Weekend 2021





	you came and you went

**Author's Note:**

> Ayo, Day 3! Reminiscing is the prompt that I choose!

The thing is, Tim isn’t upset that Roger and Brian went on and help to create Queen. Became famous as they did. He supposes he is, in a sort of abstract way. The idea that they had so much and had been famous after he left as though he had missed his chance. It's only human nature to be envious of what could have been, but at the end of the day, he isn’t going to go to his grave resenting them.

He is happy in his life. There is a lot he did and he lived his life as he wanted and he is proud to say watching his former bandmates and former unlabeled relationship reach success together didn’t turn him into a jaded man.

Some days though, he wished that he had walked away from the band and not their undefined relationship. Whatever that had been. Because as much as he didn’t care about Queen becoming as big as it did, the thing that might have gotten under his skin (and the thing that keeps him awake on those odd nights) is seeing Freddie and John fill in the spot that he left.

Because he knows what that look on Brian’s face means when he sees photos of them from the past and the look that Brian gets whenever someone asks about Freddie or John. Although the look is tinted with grief and regret. And he knows how Roger acts around people that he has feelings for, it was easy to see in how he angled his body towards the others stepped in front of them, smiled at them.

Tim isn’t saint enough to say that he wasn’t jealous about that relationship forming. He is kind enough, or likes to think that he is kind enough, that he is happy that he didn’t leave them damaged from their relationship. Because it wasn’t Good.

It was great actually but it wasn’t good for them. They didn’t have terms or labels and that left Brian floundering and making mistakes and breaking rules that they hadn’t expressly stated. And it left Roger with no guarantee that if he opened himself that they would always be there to guard his heart. Even if the chemistry was there and they had good sex, the fact that they hadn’t labeled it, Tim knows was what their demise was.

They should have put some term on it, even if Tim wanted to just call it sex.

But it didn’t damage them the same way it left him with regret and they fell in love again and had success. Tim doesn’t begrudge them that. Doesn’t hate that they moved on. Just… somedays he wishes that it had been him they came home to.

It's fine that he has thoughts like that, he thinks. 

Besides, he can meet them in a professional setting and it's not awkward, not like people might expect. But it is awkward in the way having to be formal with your best friend is.

Although, all of that doesn’t explain why he has an email from John Deacon in his inbox with a cryptic subject line of ‘Personal Meeting.’ Tim stares at the alert for several meetings before closing his laptop and completing the tasks that he was going to ignore in favor of a lazy day.

He runs out of tasks and it is bad etiquette to not even acknowledge that he received the email.

For some reason, Tim was expecting a heavy email, filled with anger about what he did to Brian and Roger all those years ago. He doesn’t even know that he had hurt them that badly, but he has heard enough about John Deacon to be aware of his sharp tongue.

Instead, it's an invitation to coffee when he is in town the next time. And then the very last line is what makes him pause.

_Brian and Roger won’t know I sent this message, unless you agree. But they’ve been nostalgic lately and I think that them having a chat with you will spare me their yearning._

It makes him laugh and he replies back that he would be interested in setting something up.

And then the world shuts down.

Tim watches through Instagram posts about Brian’s health and the projects that he is using to keep himself busy. The hole in his chest keeps growing with each month that passes and no sign of the world opening back up. He should have tried to be personal years earlier because it feels like he is running out of time.

It’s weird. It always feels like you have the time, and that pushing something off until later isn’t a mistake, but now Tim wonders if every friendly email he ignored from Brian was the one that he should have answered. Why did it take John of all people for him to decide that he wants to catch up with them? Maybe heal any wounds that they left on each other.

But he supposes that time has healed any that they left on each other. Certainly, because they’re all functioning adults and successful professionals. He might be giving himself too much credit and too much meaning in their story. They certainly haven’t affected his life - well not greatly anyway - since they parted.

Tim does know how to use Zoom and Brian is there to guide Roger through it. He imagines that Roger still hates technology with a passion. He smiles remembering that Roger had declared that he would read by torchlight after another lightbulb had burned out in their flat.

He sends John an email back with an inquiry if that would work instead. And then he wonders how odd it is that John Deacon, who hid himself away from the world was the one that was reaching out for him. John must have been better for them than Tim gave him credit for.

_That sounds great. Brian has a new background that he wants to use but it isn’t very professional. It’s a bunch of moving hedgehogs._

Tim laughs and sets up the Zoom meeting. Then looks around his house and tries to find the most neutral spot in the house to have this call. Maybe a backing of books, Roger might ask what he has been reading and that might take care of any awkwardness that happens. He sees that someone is in his waiting room under the name of Mrain Bay and he laughs.

The screen takes a few seconds, but he is greeted with the sight of a cloud of curly white hair and Roger attempting to look like Santa on vacation. He can hear John’s quiet voice off-camera and then a door shut.

He takes a deep breath, “hello.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please leave your thoughts and comments below or come talk to me on tumblr!


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